Hidden Feelings
by EmiKougamine
Summary: A trilogy of songfics, all revolving around the heartache that comes with forbidden love. JudaKou and KouHaku, details are inside. Complete.
1. Kougyoku Won't Say She's in Love

Hey peeps, Emi here. Back again, but not with Hetalia this time. Or if you're reading this first, welcome! It's pretty obvious by my profile pic, but Magi is my favourite manga/anime, and I've always wanted to write stories for it, I just never got around to actually publishing any.

This collection is a trilogy of oneshots based on songs, and while I tried to write them as stand-alone stories, I haven't included the lyrics, so if you haven't heard the original song, the story probably won't make as much sense. I'd suggest heading over to Youtube before reading, just to make sure. You'll get the full experience that way :)

OK I'll stop rambling now. Hope you enjoy my first Magi fic! This first story is based on the song 'I Won't Say I'm in Love' from Disney's _Hercules._ As always, all rights to the owners, I only own the plot. 

* * *

If there was one thing Kougyoku was certain of, it was that she was most definitely _not_ in love.

She was the eighth imperial princess of the mighty Kou Empire, the daughter of his Majesty Emperor Koutoku, and as such her heart – and her body – belonged solely to the man her father and his advisors, in all their infinite wisdom, deemed a beneficial match to the Kou Empire. She had duties, responsibilities, expectations to fulfil. _Standards._ She had no business pining like a lovesick schoolgirl.

She knew all that, had known since the day she had been taken from her home in the slums and forced into the role of 'princess', to become someone she had never thought to be.

She knew this, but why was it so hard to ignore the feeling in her chest whenever she saw him? The way her heart beat faster when he looked at her, or even walked by? The way her cheeks would flush red when he took her hand? The way she felt she might melt when he gave her that winning, genuine, smile, so rare to see on a face more used to insincerity? Why did her heart ache each time he turned and waved goodbye, each time his eyes glanced over at another pretty girl?

She sighed, causing her attendant Ka Kobun to glance over at her with a concerned expression.

"Is something the matter, Princess?" he asked, quill hovering over the scroll in front of him.

She shook her head. "It's nothing. I was just thinking about something, that's all."

"I see. Perhaps some tea would help cheer you up?" he suggested, knowing the scent of her favourite drink would help ease her mind, even if he didn't know exactly what was bothering her. Kougyoku nodded gratefully, accepting the inclined bow he gave her before sweeping out the room, his advisors robes flowing around his feet.

Left alone with her thoughts, Kougyoku's mind wandered to the day she had been brought to the palace, the day her life had changed forever. Ka Kobun was one of the few people who had shown her any form of kindness or consideration, had never looked down on her for being of low birth. Perhaps that was why she had so few friends in the palace – she relied on him too much to overcome her shyness. He was more than her attendant and tutor – he was her friend, her loyal companion.

But he was not the one she loved, goodness no. Kougyoku loved many people – her friends, her family, those she had come to know and share experiences with during her travels, but they were different kinds of love than the one she held most dear. The secret love no-one else but her knew of.

She had loved him from the moment she first saw him. She'd heard of him before, of course; his reputation preceded him, and she couldn't help build up an image of him in her mind. Perhaps she'd been unconsciously attracted to him ever since, and meeting him had only reinforced the ideal she kept him to.

Even now, she couldn't say what had first attracted her to him – was it his smile, the way his eyes would glint with mirth and a hint of mischief whenever he laughed? Or was it his confidence, the way he held himself with an assured air, sure of his own abilities? Or was it the way he could make her feel as though she were the only girl in the world who mattered, despite how many others would throw themselves at him if given half a chance?

Of course, it could be his looks, but Kougyoku liked to think she wasn't quite as shallow as that. Though he was undeniably stunning, it had to be said. That long, lean body, all tan skin and sinewy muscles. The silky, flowing hair that she longed to run her fingers through.

And that face!

Driving eyes, shining like jewels when they caught the light. That smirking mouth with its' smooth, soft lips that she had had so often fantasized capturing her own.

Kougyoku was interrupted from her daydream by the return of Ka Kobun, who placed the cup of tea on the table by her side, careful not to let any spill onto the immaculately varnished lacquer.

"Here you are, your Highness, as requested."

Kougyoku nodded, sighing as she brought the cup to her lips and took a sip.

"Thank you, Ka Kobun. Really, whatever would I do without you?"

"It's nothing, Princess, I'm merely doing my job. I hope you feel better soon." He bowed at her praise and retreated, taking his scrolls and leaving her in peace.

With Ka Kobun gone, the room was empty again, leaving Kougyoku free to return to her thoughts. She wondered what the attendant would say if he knew her secret – would he accept it as he had everything else she had shared, her hopes and dreams, happiness and sadness, doubts and fears? Or would he see it as nothing more than the forlorn wish of a lonely little girl, destined to fade away in the harsh reality of her fate?

Somehow, she doubted he would fully approve, even if he was far too polite to say so. After all, they were very different people, she mused. Ka Kobun was upright (some might say up _tight_ ), proper, very concerned with keeping the correct decorum and manners befitting of their station. Whereas _he_ was, well...rather the opposite. As far as _he_ was concerned, rules were something that applied to other people. Which in a sense was true, considering his status – he did have the authority to do as he pleased, to a certain extent – but it did tend to leave him at loggerheads with those who thought differently.

But that was all part of the reason she loved him. While she knew he often came across as arrogant or prideful, Kougyoku loved his confidence, how he had the courage to live by his own rules, regardless of what others may say about him. She wished she had the courage to rise above her limitations, as he had done, and live according to the wishes of her own heart. If she was honest with herself, she knew a selfish part of her wanted to take that confidence for herself – to be by his side and show everyone that she could be just as brave and powerful as him. That he had chosen _her_ , and no-one else, to be worthy of his affections.

Kougyoku sighed again, looking down at her now empty cup. It seemed that dream would be forever denied to her, however much she may wish for it. Apparently, love was not in her destiny, at least going by how her life had gone so far.

First there had been the possibility of marriage to the first prince of Balbadd, Abhmad Saluja - and look how that had turned out! A greedy, lazy pig of a prince, content to leave the running of the country to corrupt officials and two-faced politicians. They'd managed to ruin the economy, alienate the people _and_ almost cause a full-blown civil war, not to mention destroy half the city while trying to prevent the situation from getting any further out of hand. The whole process had been a complete disaster, the marriage negotiations being cut off before they even began.

She shuddered delicately; the thought of being married to that man! Ugh, he barely even deserved the term. Of course, if things had gone differently, she might have ended up wed to the third prince instead, Alibaba Saluja.

She smiled, smothering a laugh at the idea of being married to Alibaba, of all people. He was certainly a far better match than his oaf of a half-brother, but actually being her husband? It was an….interesting notion, to say the least. No, they were good friends, and he was a valuable ally, but the two of them would never work out romantically. He was far too attached to Morgiana, and her to him, to even consider pursuing anyone else. It was rather sweet, really, how devoted the two were to each other, even if it had taken them simply _ages_ to admit it outright.

No, it seemed romance was not in the cards for Kougyoku. However much she may wish otherwise, her heart was not hers to own. It would belong to the husband her father and her elder brother Kouen chose for her. There was no use hoping otherwise, and dreaming about it would only make her depressed.

Shaking her head, Kougyoku pushed her thoughts to one side. Perhaps a walk around the gardens would clear her head and raise her mood. She went to the window and looked out, admiring the bright blue sky and cool breeze.

"Hey, old hag, what'cha doing up there? I'm bored, come down and play with me!"

Hearing the familiar voice – and accompanied insulting nickname - Kougyoku looked down to see Judar lounging in his favourite spot – sitting in the branches of a peach tree, idly eating one of the fruits.

She smiled down at him, leaning over the ledge to reply.

"Alright, I'm coming! I'll be down in a minute, Judar!"

He acknowledged her words with a wave of the hand - still holding the half-eaten peach – and she turned away, heading out her room to join him in the courtyard for a sparring session.

As she walked, she couldn't help smiling to herself. Maybe she would never be allowed to act on her feelings, and maybe she would never have them requited, but no-one could ever stop her from having them. And for now, it was enough simply to be by his side, sharing in his company. And if that included rude nicknames and peach pits tossed at her head, well, that was a price she was willing to pay.

Maybe she was in love, after all.

* * *

I tried to make this as vague as possible so you can decide for yourself whether Kougyoku is thinking about Judar or Sinbad, or anyone else, really. Personally, I ship JudaKou, and SPOILER ALERT AliMor is now fully canon, so AliKou is out the window, but it's up to you.


	2. The World Through the Mirror

This second story is based on the vocaloid songs _Mirror's Magic_ and _Magical Mirror_ , the Rin and Len versions (well, not that there's any other version, as far as I'm aware). Whereas the first story was more individual, this one is related to the next, but they can be read in either order. This one is KouHaku. All rights to SEGA/Crypton media etc., I only own the plot.

* * *

The World Through the Mirror

There is a girl in a tower. High above everyone else, she stays tucked away from the rest of the world, alone and forgotten. It's peaceful here, with only herself for company, but sometimes it can get very lonely.

Her name means 'Crimson Jade', and on days when the sun streams through the windows to set her hair on fire like a river of vivid scarlet, she feels as though she almost understands why. On other days, though, she feels as though the name belongs to someone else. Someone more suited to the role she's supposed to play. That name belongs to a princess, not her.

She doesn't understand the jade part, though. What part of her is green? Her hair is a deep fuchsia, her eyes a lighter shade, but still very definitely pink. Her skin is a smooth, creamy white, pale from lack of exposure to the sun. After all, it is unseemly for a Princess' skin to be tanned – she is not a common labourer in the fields.

Unless it refers to a more metaphorical meaning? If that were the case, she can certainly understand why. By herself, she is nothing. It's only when she is shaped, carved and remade into something new that she will have any value. And even then, it will only be as something decorative, pretty to look at but not much use for anything else. A trinket, meant to be worn on someone else's sleeve. Admired at a glance, and then forgotten.

And very, very delicate. She is windblown glass, destined to fly away on the breeze. Just a lonely little girl, dreaming of happiness.

The girl looks down at the courtyard below her, looking through the glass of her window to see the world outside. A world she can never be a part of.

Through the glass, she sees a boy. He has dark hair, stunning deep blue eyes and a winning, gentle smile. His name means 'White Dragon', and, like hers, it is both fitting and not. He doesn't exactly have the temperament of a dragon, but perhaps he will grow into it, with time.

He is also a Prince. A Prince of Fortune, loved by all. He has servants, retainers, a loving family who adore and care for him very much. He is happy, complete. He wants for nothing, and his world is one of light and laughter, so different from the lonely girl in the tower.

It's odd, the contrast between the two. Like light and dark, black and white. Two sides of the same coin, fated to exist side by side, but never meet.

Or will they?

From the sidelines, a crafty magician watches the two. He sees all, knows all, but keeps it to himself. He is whimsical, capricious, and no-one has ever quite managed to figure him out. His crimson eyes take the measure of everything he sees, and charts it all for his own amusement.

He's been watching the two for quite some time now. He wonders what would happen if he tempted fate, if he interfered with destiny and allowed the two to meet. What would happen if they could take the reins themselves, and live life on their own terms, unbeholden to any plan?

He's going to find out. One day, he approaches the boy. He strikes up a conversation with him as naturally as if they've known each other all their lives, and the boy, intrigued, begins to listen.

The magician tells the boy about the girl in the tower. About how lonely she is, how pitiful. About her life, so different from his own.

The Prince feels sorry for the girl. It's not her fault she is locked away in the tower. She doesn't deserve such suffering. She deserves to a Princess, just as she has always dreamed of being.

And so, the Prince resolves to do something about it. He climbs to the top of the tower, intent on seeing the girl for himself. He sees her through the glass of her window, sees how lonely and sad she is.

Knock, knock. He taps on the glass, startling the girl. She's surprised, frightened – how did he manage to get all the way up here? No-one is supposed to be up here.

The boy soothes her fears. He tells her he is a Prince, and he has been given the power of a Magician to help save her from her loneliness. The girl giggles and smiles, and when he is finished, she takes his hand.

And so begins a time of happiness. For the first time in her life, the girl experiences what it is like to be loved. With the boy's help, she can move freely around the palace. Her family opens up to her, her brothers taking her under their wing. They accept her as one of their own, and the girl's heart is full. Even the strife that threatened the country seems to lessen, and a dark cloud is lifted from her. It seems as though everything is falling into place, finally.

But it is not to last. The dark clouds begin to gather once again, as the Magician works to bring about the downfall of everything the two hold dear.

It's not his fault. He is too young to fully understand the implications of his actions, too young to understand how drastically he has changed destiny, and the consequences of such denial. He is a puppet, his strings controlled by those in the shadows, their minds pitch-black as the wings of fate.

In an instant, the pair's roles are reversed. Suddenly, the boy becomes a Prince not of happiness, but Misfortune. Reviled by his mother, despised by his peers, he becomes the opposite of what he once was. A symbol of all that is wrong with the world.

His heart is dyed black, dark as the destiny he has come to hate. The Magician sees, and comes to him once again.

What if you had the power to change your fate? He asks, his words insidious and oddly charming. The boy is hesitant to listen at first; he has never entirely trusted the Magician, and isn't quite sure if he should do so even now. But the words he whispers are exactly what the boy wants to hear, and despite himself, he lets the Magician have his way.

The girl knows nothing of this, of course, though she senses something is wrong. The boy has become so sad, and she doesn't know how to comfort him.

It seems things will never be right between the two, after all. Their destinies are connected, as all are in the great flow of fate, but their paths are not meant to intersect. They are on two very different roads, and though they will pass by each other from time to time, they will not walk that road together. Perhaps with the Magicians' help, they could do so in the future, but that time is a long way off and far ahead. The boy has left on a journey, taking the Magician with him, and the girl does not know when she will ever see them again. She cries, but there is nothing she can do.

For now, all she can do is wait, and hope. She will hold her head up high, take pride in her role as Princess, and wait for her Prince to return, Magician in tow. Until the day she can finally see him again, waiting for her outside the glass. The day she can call his name, and he hers.

Until the day she can finally feel the warmth of his hand.


	3. The Princess and the Wolf

This third and final story is based on the vocaloid song _The Wolf and Little Red Riding Hood_ , also by Rin and Len. This time it's JudaKou, and is more related to the original manga, though I've changed bits and pieces here and there. As always, all rights to the original owners.

* * *

It started with a coincidence, though perhaps in hindsight it would have been inevitable anyway.

Judar had been lounging in his favourite spot, as usual. Perched in the branches of one of the many peach trees dotted around the palace, when he spotted a flash of red he had never seen before.

A girl stood at the foot of the tree, gazing up at him. A girl with bright pink hair and eyes, a dainty frame and a look of wide-eyed curiosity on her face. Now that he could see her clearly, Judar realised he had seen her before, but she had run away from him, scared off by his crimson eyes, pale skin and jet-black hair. He supposed he did look pretty frightening, when he came to think of it. Well, perhaps it was time to change that.

Jumping down, Judar had plucked one of the fruits from a nearby branch and offered it to the girl, hand outstretched.

"Here. You want one?" he offered casually, still staring at her. She nodded timidly, taking the fruit from his palm as though she wasn't quite what to do with it.

"Thank you." Her voice was quiet, unsure, but Judar thought it was one of the nicest sounds he had ever heard.

"It's nothing," he said, brushing aside the thought for later consideration. "My name's Judar, by the way. What's yours?"

The girl looked startled at the question; was she _that_ unused to people talking to her?

"I'm Kougyoku." She replied hesitantly. "I'm the eighth Princess."

Judar nodded. "Yeah, I thought you must be related to that old guy, with the hair. I'm a Magi, which means I can use more magic than anyone else. I'm super powerful! Oh, but don't worry, I won't use it to hurt you." the boast was hurriedly accompanied by a reassurance as Kougyoku's wide eyes went from awed admiration to a little alarmed.

She giggled, then looked up at him shyly. "Will you be my friend, Judar? Even if you are a very powerful Magi?"

Judar tipped his head to one side, considering. He was quiet for so long that Kougyoku's eyes began to fill with tears, worried she had done something wrong. Seeing this, Judar held his hand out, grinning.

"I was teasing you, silly! Of course I will. Let's be friends!"

"Yes!"

Years went by, and the two grew up happily together, joined by Kougyoku's attendant Ka Kobun. He was a rather gangly adolescent, too concerned about decorum and proper behaviour for Judar's liking, but they got on well enough.

Until, inevitably, things began to change. As time passed, Kougyoku and Judar began to mature. What had started out as friendly teasing and bickering became charged with something deeper, something neither of them was ready to name. Playing together was forbidden, wrestling and chasing were now deemed unsuitable. It was time to grow up, and adults did not indulge in such activities. Or rather, not quite in that manner, and therein lay the reason for such denial.

Heated glances and soft sighs, words laced with double meanings. The anticipation of seeing each other as they passed, exchanging greetings and fleeting touches. That was all that was allowed to them now, the only acknowledgement of the way they felt.

And it hurt. It hurt so much to know that they were denied the comfort of each other's touch, denied the happiness that came from being with the one they loved. When Judar came back from wherever it was he had been sent, covered in bruises and with such darkness in his eyes, it was all Kougyoku could do not to rush to his side and vow never to let him leave again. And later, when she returned to her room, Judar would sit by her window under the cover of darkness and listen to her cries, feeling something break inside his chest. How he longed to take her in his arms and kiss each glittering tear goodbye, to soothe her aching heart and tell her how much she meant to him.

But it could never, ever be. There was a darkness inside Judar that repelled those around him, a silent aura that warned them to stay away. He was seen as something dangerous, unstable, not quite to be trusted. He was too powerful, too intimidating, too otherworldly. Some saw his red eyes as a sign of his dark nature; proof of the blackness that lurked within his soul. He was a black sun, staining everything he touched with shadows and hate. A wolf among sheep, something that had no place being included among regular people.

And certainly not the kind of person who should be associating with someone as gentle and compassionate as a Princess. No matter how kind he may be inside, people would only ever see Judar as someone to be wary of.

Even if, sometimes, he could really be rather sweet. Like the times he would surprise Kougyoku with flowers made of unbreakable ice, to keep by her bedside while he was away. Or the times he would sit with her in the fields and let her weave crowns of daisies into his hair. The way he knew exactly what to say to cheer her up, even if it was an insulting story about one of the court nobles or a complaint of how boring his lessons had been and how much he'd rather be anywhere else. Preferably somewhere with lots of peaches.

Why could no-one else see the gentleness behind the harsh exterior? Why did they only see the fangs of power, the claws of his mentors that dug deep into him? If only they looked closer, they'd see he was so much more than that.

Ah, why did things have to be like this? Why was fate so cruel? Why couldn't they be together, as they wished? They could try to hold off the inevitable for as long as possible, but in the end, they knew it was hopeless. Their story's end was determined long ago, and there was nothing they could do to change it. There were no happy endings for the big, bad monster who carried off the beautiful young maiden, however much she may actually want him to.

For now, though, it was enough simply to be together when they could. Enjoying each other's company, however brief it may be. There was still time yet before they would be forced to take that step forward into the future, when their fates would be sealed. For now, they would be content with the knowledge and surety of their own feelings.

And when the day came that their paths overlapped once again, Judar would be waiting in his usual spot, as always.

On his side of the tree.


End file.
